Broken Man

It didn’t take much for my Father to find out where we were staying and I am surprised that he didn’t come to the house and smash the front door down.

He wasn’t the kind of man to follows rules and I think he had finally broken.

Going to school that Monday morning wasn’t really an option because of the severity of our situation and I remember quite distinctly, what I was given for breakfast;

Scrambled egg with ketchup.

“Go on eat it up, it’ll do you good to get something in your stomach and stop all that worrying, worrying won’t get you anywhere.”

Said the friend!

I had never tasted it before and I really didn’t like it-so I didn’t eat it.

The phone rang. It was my Father asking to speak to my Mother and that look upon her face returned… the one that she momentarily, had a reprieve from.

I can see clearly in my minds eye, her standing there holding the phone up to her ear. Words are coming out of her mouth and I can not hear what she is saying… but I do know that she denied his begging for us to go home.

He asked to speak to me and she handed the phone over and this time, was the very last time I heard his voice.

Hello darling, it’s me Dad.

Please come home I can’t live without you and Mum.

Please Shellie, please… it won’t happen again!

I’ll get help.

I don’t want to hurt you or Mum, she won’t listen to me just come home.

He was sobbing.

I was sobbing.

I didn’t know what to say, I had no words, just tears, uncontrollable tears, I could have drowned in them.

I couldn’t breathe… my father was pleading with me to come home and I could hear his desperation.

I could feel it…

His words were clear,

not slurred,

he was coherent,

he was present.

I told him that I was scared and sorry but I couldn’t come home.

There was silence-even though we were crying together and then he told me that he loved me and followed with, “I will always love you, you are my everything.”

He said he was sorry.

He hung up…

Ian Douglas Sinclair – Malaysia 1934
What a beautiful baby he was.
It could have all been so different.

 © All Rights Reserved – The boy in the chip shop 2019

Author: Michelle Denness

Wife, mother to three incredible kids and aspiring writer/poet. I am passionate about sharing personal stories to empower others and this space is for me to be open and free with my thoughts. This is my journey...

8 thoughts on “Broken Man”

  1. So many stories like this and so many people choose to “not think about it“.

    I myself was beaten abused and molested throughout my childhood thought I had broke free of the past. A 30 year successful career, more than 20 years of alcohol and drug sobriety and eight years leading in men’s recovery ministry then all of a sudden over a year ago the bottom dropped out, the wheels came off the bus. I’ve now been diagnosed with CPTSD, depression, anxiety disorder and chronic fatigue syndrome and as the months go by and the therapy bills build up I seem to be getting worse instead of better. The reality is I’m just now truly getting in touch with the buried pain, shame and blame for the first time in my entire life and although it may feel like things are worse, this is part of the healing. My heart both hurts for the emotional trauma you experienced and also celebrates that you are able to process in a venue that can touch many lives. Prayers for our continued success in making peace with the past 🙏❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Bless you and thank you for being so honest and open. I’m so sorry that you are struggling so much right now my heart goes out to you too. I do believe that you and I are here for a reason and we may not know exactly what that is right now… we must trust in the process and honour ourselves with love and understanding. Do you have access to Netflix?
      There are three films that I would highly recommend

      Like

    2. I somehow missed replying to your comments here, I’m so sorry. Thank you for being so honest and open with your struggles. I like you, lived life for many years not recognising fully the depth of the emotional turmoil that I was carrying. Writing my story has brought a huge amount of pain and sadness to the forefront for me but also some relief. Moving forward with understanding our past and the effect it has had on our lives, is our path towards healing my friend. We can not go backwards just forwards and yes it may get a little worse before it gets better but we can do this. You are doing an amazing job… you have a right to be here as I do… 🙂

      Like

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