‘Aha’

I can’t help but believe that this current world pandemic had to happen in order for the world collectively, to learn so many lessons.

Saying that, does not in any way dismiss the pain that hundreds and thousands of families are going through right now. That is never my intention.

My heart goes out to all of the victims of this terrible virus.

If I take my own personal life situation as it was two and a half weeks ago, before we went into lock down, it pretty much was a mess.

From the outside, I may have portrayed that everything was okay, planning my new life in France, seemingly getting excited at the prospect of what was to come, yet on the inside, it was all so very different. The truth of the matter is, I’ve been playing out my age old pattern of running and this time, to my brother in France.

He will always offer me a safe place.

I was completely overwhelmed.

I had pushed myself mentally to the brink of very nearly no return.

Physically, my body was in pain.

Financially, I was being squeezed in every direction.

My poor husband, bless him, was so unhappy having to go away every week to work in a physically demanding construction job, just to make ends meet.

At 54, its a young mans job.

I felt like my world was falling apart around me and I was holding on for dear life.

Today… none of that matters in fact, we are at an incredible turning point in our lives and are so very grateful for our ‘mess’ to be able to wake up to what’s important.

I couldn’t see it clearly before lock down, even though I knew it, on some deep level of my being and now, we both feel incredibly peaceful and it’s quite bizarre.

Both of us have spent years punishing ourselves for the financial situation we created and dragging our kids through it too. We bought and sold a few houses when our children were young, trying to climb the ladder of ‘you always want more’ until one day it all went bang-the recession hit and we were offered a financial way out-we took it.

It was the wrong way (or was it?). If only we’d gone in another direction, life could have been so very different!

Hindsight is a beautiful thing.

There is always choice.

There will always been lessons.

We have spent years trudging through our own self developed shit storm and lived and breathed failure.

And… I had the skills to change our situation right?

We all have the resources inside of ourselves to make the necessary changes that we desire. We really do and yet somehow we chose a difficult path for lessons that still needed to be learn’t.

I can remember times when I would empty my purse out on the table and with the meager amount of coins in front of me, I would have to make a decision whether to buy bread or milk because I didn’t have enough for both.

And yet I would see clients and charge them a small fee or nothing at all if they really couldn’t afford to pay me because they needed my help and that was the right thing to do?

I rescue people.

My close friends knew we were struggling and I’m sure became fed up with the same old excuses that I would give;

”Sorry we won’t be able make it tonight, I can’t really justify spending money when we are trying to be careful.”

”I don’t feel too great so I’m going to give it a miss tonight, maybe next time..”

”You won’t even miss me being there, have fun”

”I don’t do going out anymore, its really not my thing!”

”I can’t afford it.”

and eventually, they stopped asking us out!!

I have lived with feeling ashamed for as far back as I can remember in one way or another and I wonder now, whose shame I learn’t to carry from a very early age?

http://www.google.com

You are all capable of change.

Where ever you are in your life right now this Covid-19 experience has actually opened a space in your time, to take time to re-evaluate;

What’s really important for you?

What does life look like for you right now?

Are you living the kind of life that you want to be living?

Are you happy?

Do you feel fulfilled?

Are you healthy?

What do you desire most?

What changes can you make right now that will change the direction of your life?

I will repeat this statement again;

YOU ARE A GIFT TO THIS WORLD so stop looking on the outside for self validation.

Everything you need is already within you.

joshloe.com

I’ve spent years waiting for that Oprah Winfrey ‘aha moment’ which is a moment of sudden inspiration, insight, recognition or comprehension. It’s when things happen to make you look at life in a completely different way.

I think I got my ‘aha‘!

I believe that Covid-19 is a world ‘aha moment’ from which we all need to make significant changes to heal our planet and ourselves.

I am truly grateful for my own life story for it happened for me to allow personal growth.

Right now today, we are worse off financially that we have ever been because we have been made STOP and stay home and yet we both feel so very blessed to be alive, feel peaceful and are trusting that some how… its all going to be okay.

From my home to yours I send love and light.

Stay at home

Stay safe

Save lives

© Rights Reserved – The boy in the chip shop 2019-20

Author: Michelle Denness

Wife, mother to three incredible kids and aspiring writer/poet. I am passionate about sharing personal stories to empower others and this space is for me to be open and free with my thoughts. This is my journey...

10 thoughts on “‘Aha’”

  1. Oh, Michelle. You are so wise. This is indeed a time to stop the busy-ness and reflect on what’s important in life. A good thing for us all. And where to direct our trust in such uncertain times. I just finished the book “Eastbound from Flagstaff,” in which a young man (who’s witnessed the horrible death of his mother and goes through the “if only I had. . . “) spend a decade struggling with just those questions. There are no easy answers, yet I believe that the Creator is still very much mindful of what we are going through, anticipating changed lives.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sending you love at this time, Michelle. I really do believe we are being asked to wake up to what is important with this crisis.. I am seeing positive things come out of it.. we maybe all need to start slowing down a bit and enjoying the simple things.. it is forcing us to do that.. But living with financial stress is not easy.. Big hug to you and your family..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Deborah as always I really appreciate your kind words. It may sound crazy but I am not stressed at all. This is the first time in years that I have felt so calm in the eye of the storm 🙏 I’ve handed all of the worry over to something much greater than me and I’m doing my best to stay grounded.
      Stay safe and a trillion hugs right back at you 💓

      Liked by 1 person

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