I close my eyes and feel the strength of this incredibly powerful piece of music which exudes emotion.
It is an essential human need to feel and be safe. Each and every person alive has the right to live without fear and yet so many of our fellow men, women and children do not experience this.
The internet has recently been overwhelmed with the ‘Be Kind’ saying and isn’t it really that simple? To be kind to one another to whomever we meet along the way. A simple act of kindness can change a person’s life in an insurmountable way, so why is it so very difficult for some?
I don’t always get it right in fact there have been times in my life where I have been unkind, maybe not intentionally but still I have acted out of fear and frustration which has caused another to feel sad or some kind of pain.
For that behaviour, I am truly sorry.
I do believe that behaviour is learnt and whatever we are subjected to when we are young children can have a profound effect on our ability to make healthy choices,when we are adults. That being said, laying blame on our past won’t get us very far. It just keeps us in that state of difficulty and quite possibly distress.
My life is where it is today because of the choices that I have made over the years. I can not and will not blame my present dysfunction on the trauma that I experienced as a child. Yes the experience shaped me in so many incredible ways and then I had a choice to take charge of my being, my strengths and my weaknesses-to harness the suffering and difficulty and run full speed ahead with it to create a safe, healthy and joyful life. The drain on my mental health has at times, nearly sent me over the edge and I am not afraid to sat that anymore…
To feel fragile and alone is not joyful for anyone.
When I listen to beautiful emotive music I am able to lose myself and step into a world of creative imagination. Although I still feel sad I am also free without restraint and just for a moment my mind goes some place else. I can feel my body change and express itself in such a gentle way.
In a gentle way, non aggressive, not frustrated, no anger just letting go and all in a few minutes, I can feel the space in between the music and me.
I long to feel gentle and yes I know how strange that may sound but for my entire adult life I have been a fighter, a survivor, the aggressor, the controller everything but gentle. I feel lost behind this huge armour that I wear, ready to do battle to protect myself and the people I care about.
I know that I would allow myself the risk of death in order to save another’s life.
It is who I have become.
I am completely burn’t out and long for the gentleness and warmth my body has to offer me.
The love of self that awaits me, when I choose to be it, will heal the self and offer me a healthy, energetic heart that is full of joy.
Not sure where I am going with this today and just enjoying the expression.
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