So help me God, make me a better person.
Challenges are necessary for growth and can be, all consuming too.
My lessons are coming thick and fast.
I look at her and my heart feels heavy.
I can see her physical body slowing down and her struggle is undeniable.
I can feel her anger, her bitterness and her absolute mistrust.
I can feel her self rejection, her self loathing and her inability to say sorry.
Saying sorry would surely mean death-death of denial.
She offloads her pain and misgivings, on those around her often and then attempts to have them believe that they are the cause of her pain.
The wounded Mata.
Our learning roles, now reversed-I play the adult and she plays the small child once again (you treat me like I am a 2 year old) needy, self-rejecting and in her words, suppressed.
Last night we played her ‘survival technique’ game-“If it wasn’t for me!”
I know-I really do know mum and I’m truly grateful.
I have used this example on a previous post some time ago and I think it’s worth sharing again.
What role/roles do you play within your life? What role do you identify with most?
I play them all and to hold myself accountable, I switch between Rescuer and Victim.
Rescuer being my lead role and victim, an easy safe role to settle into.
Mother play’s the Victim role and of course the Persecutor with her acid tongue and relentless bitterness. Underneath that heavy brash armor is a woman of great love, strength and resilience, a survivor of life’s harsh lesson’s and a mother.
Jeez… she is definitely presenting me with heavy duty challenges on a daily basis that require patience, tolerance and most of all loving forgiveness.
I’m working on it.
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