Darling I am here

standing alone

on the edge

of a vast

and expansive sea

her mind wayward

and wandering

she disconnects

and likes it there

waves crash against

the harsh rocks

and her music

becomes so loud

a symphony of

divine babel

played to perfection

consistent noise

her feet wet

and cold

she lets go

her body slips under

and

gives nothing

no more to give

she will not ask

as she falls

the water rises

covering her face

she sinks tidally down

there is no

grounding

no place that

she knows

and her eyes

will not see

they can not

they know not

her lungs

fill with water

she will not breathe

and her music is so quiet

but the waves

yes the waves

still crash

with ferocious arrogance

they pound those harsh rocks

and the rocks

never answer

just welcome

and even though she descends

further

the birds are still singing

can you hear them

the darkness feels bleak

and comfortable

then a hand

so majestic and magnificent

reaches out

gently clasping hers

and his music

so joyful

more than

hers ever was

sings

his song

with exquisite sound

darling I am here

I am here

the waves crash

as she crawls

to the edge

trying to breathe

breathe my love

breathe

And just like that… you think you’ve made it through the gauntlet of grief and something triggers a thought, a feeling and you are reminded of where you are no longer at and yet;

A place to return to if needed.

A beautiful place, sad and very beautiful.

A place to reconnect.

A place where your music plays and the birds sing.

©All Rights Reserved – The boy in the chip shop 2019-20

Task 10 – lockdown challenge

Yes we are still doing our challenge and have been a little behind lately in our creating progress, so here is number 10

Transformation

Isle of Wight Artist – Katie Hobbs 2020




Mask

covered up

chained in

tightly bound

fixed firm

hidden self

won’t show

can’t be

not real

held back

no faith

nor love

false shame

can’t see

won’t look

weeping eyes

can’t breathe

©All Rights Reserved – The boy in the chip shop 2019-20

Task 9 – Lock down challenge (I’ve taken the daily bit out)

Reflection

Isle of Wight Artist – Katie Hobbs 2020

The Sea

I hold my breath

and allow myself to free fall

into the depths of this

extraordinary place

of wisdom

falling deeply

into the ebb and flow

of existence

the unknown

such beauty and elegance

glimmers

an enchanted paradise

a boundless ocean

no beginning or ending

a deliverance

to a space of

unfathomable peace

and exquisite glory

the endless abundance

the powerful

life force

rising up

to greet the earth with

tremendous swell

and Mother Nature

with all her gracious

offerings

floats gently

on the tide

I breathe once more

I have arrived

©All Rights Reserved – The boy in the chip shop 2019 – 20

Task 8 – Daily Challenge

Joan of Arc

Isle of Wight Artist – Kate Hobbs 2020

Fear

i thought the man was friendly
gentle smile with big bright eyes
he nodded in conversation
simple offerings to keep us keen
we found him very interesting
so many stories he had to tell
he talked for what seemed hours
one by one they said goodbye
and then it came to my turn 
friends gone just him and me
don't leave me now i like you
we can always talk some more 
i thanked him so politely
with urgency picked up my pace
he was unrelenting 
and his tone of voice had changed
the fear took hold with filthy hands
i realized what i had done
he shouted loudly - come back bitch
now his pace changed he began to run
my lungs restricted consumed afraid
i can not stop i must not stop
he was old and i was young
and youth thank God saved my life
i made it home unscathed and safe
they did not believe my truth
the stranger hunted for his prey

and the silly girl got away (she was 12)





©All Rights Reserved – The boy in the chip shop 2019-20

Task 7 – Daily Challenge

Both Kate and I enjoy our daily lock down challenge.

We are similar in may ways and often find it difficult to create something freely without a whole load of critical self judgement and for that, I am really proud of our joint effort and commitment.

It has enabled us both to have an escape route out of our comfort zone.

Why don’t you, try it with a friend or two or even (Kate might holler at me for this) join in with us – eek!!!!

It could be – The Collective Covid Lock Down Daily Challenge.

Think of a word, poem or idea for each other and then send it by text, messenger or email, the night before or early on the morning of the challenge. There is absolutely no pressure to get it done in a day and we don’t move on until we have both completed the immediate task.

Its just for fun and keep’s our mental health wealthy with ideas and motivation.

Yesterday, we came up with the exact same words for task 7 which was interesting-great minds think alike.

I Am

I am the light
that lights the day
the melodic song
of the morning
the cooling breath
of a gentle breeze
the essence of
boundless love
I am the darkness
in the night
the silence and 
the sorrow
the innocence
the dreamer
the hero in
the story
I am the space
between each thought
the whisper in
the stillness
the splendor
the serenade
in moments
of surrender
I am my light
I light my way
my truth is
my expression
my joy, my love
in gratitude
shall greet you
in abundance

I Am

Isle of Wight Artist Katie Hobbs 2020

I hope that you are enjoying your day best you can.

Stay safe.

©All Rights Reserved – The boy in the chip shop 2019-20

Task 6 – Daily Challenge

Aztec

Isle of Wight Artist – Katie Hobbs 2020

Forgiveness

They say with time things change
such perfect presence 
he was not
his expression of life was impenetrable
and yet was 
the loveliest Soul
a mind so perilous, tormented by evil
condemned with silent movies
playing over 
and over
a prisoner before 
a prisoner once more
trapped within his own distortion
then meaning became marred 
through altered reality 
impossible to hide
I can not carry that heaviness
anymore or harness 
his grief
for it spills from my heart
making me weak

He laid down in quiet demeanor
closed his eyes 
to rest
knowing it was his last time
He prayed to his God 
for forgiveness
then peace 
was his 
welcomed blanket

©All Rights Reserved – The boy in the chip shop 2019-20

Task 5 – Daily challenge

I don’t normally write poems that rhyme so I’m not too pleased with this one, but a challenge is a challenge so here goes…

Without You

Without You
who would I be?
why, me of course
I'd be me

I am You
and You are me
never apart
together, are we

Without you
I can not live
nor can I breathe
nothing to give

My heart is full
and yours is too
a love so strong
a bond so true

Without You
I am not whole
and with you
one beautiful Soul

New Beginnings

Isle of Wight Artist – Katie Hobbs 2020

©All Rights Reserved – The boy in the chip shop 2019-20

Task 3 – Daily Challenge

pinterest.com

I am enjoying this challenge.

Stained Glass Window

Isle of Wight Artist Katie Hobbs 2020

Yesterday

Yesterday, the world seemed different
and yet it was the same
it really was
People walked among each other
unaware, deeply disconnected

Yesterday, there was poverty, war, death
society overwhelmed with mental illness
loneliness, suffering
People lived with one another
unnoticed, deeply, disconnected

Then the world came to a halt

Today feels very different
and yet it's the same world
it really is
we move quietly among each other
having reconnected deeply

Today is better than yesterday was
and this same world, is different
I hope it is
Everybody moves together
and yesterday, is no more

©All Rights Reserved – The boy in the chip shop 2019 -20

“Something that most people see as ugly but you see as beautiful” Task 2 – Daily challenge

I can’t sleep.

4 hours and 25 minutes.

I’ve been to bed, completed my Wim Hoff breathing exercise, got out of bed, meditated, peed three times, face booked, commented on blogs, listened to the cat snore for the past hour and now the hamster is running it’s wheel…

Arghhhhhh!!!!!

It’s 2.34 am and I’m going to attempt my next writing challenge which has been set as the title of this post.

Theodore

alone he roamed
no place
no home
an eternal wanderer

clothes were rags
his life
in bags
carrying a heavy heart

stench was bad
the jeers
so sad
yet perfectly polite

people did stare
so ugly
no care
misunderstood by many

a broken story
such loss
no glory
of an English poet

spirit so free
in peace
I see
the most beautiful man









Theodore Racine Searle
Born 1916 Died 1987
The Isle of Wight’s most Eloquent Tramp

Photo source unknown

Katie’s challenge was Martin Luther King.

Artist – Katie Hobbs 2020


I’m in desperate need of sleep now.

©All Rights Reserved – The boy in the chip shop 2019-20

Day 23 – Easter Sunday

The garden is full of welcomed guests and morning joy.

Birds are flitting here and there and primroses are on parade in their clusters, proudly showing off their beauty.

The sun in all its glory, dances with nature and warms this coming day with its offering of hope and rebirth.

Hope-a feeling of expectation and desire for a particular thing to happen.

Rebirth-a period of new life, growth, or activity, a revival.

pinterest.com

With a new beginning somewhere in the Universe there has to be an ending.

Its the Yin and Yang of life, the ebb and flow, the Karmic law.

Sadly, I heard on the radio yesterday of an 11 year old boy losing his life to the unseen and silent killer and an overwhelming ton of emotion hit me me like a steam train.

There is a place deep within me where I feel connected to this child and want to reach out to him, hold him and love him just a little bit more… to let him know that he is and always will be loved by millions of others around the world and that his life had meaning.

All lives have meaning.

We are all in this together.

Collectively, we feel the pain his family feels.

I will never know

your name

or see your

sweet face

and

can imagine you now

running freely

bounding with life-

With Grace

by your side

the part of you

that is me

will honor

you

always

and remember

that You lived.


Google.com

May you all have a wonderful day and know how important each and every one of you are . I am thankful for us being on this journey together.

Remember to choose your thoughts wisely.

Stay safe.

© Rights Reserved – The boy in the chip shop 2019-20

Morning Thoughts

The sky is grey and familiar.

An elderly couple that live just a few houses away, have opened up part of their home as a bird sanctuary.

The daily rhapsody of birdsong is loud and varied.

Quite magnificent.

The seagulls sing the loudest and they fly many to their colony, arriving early morning for feeding time.

Wood Pigeons, Black birds, Robins, Blue Tits, Starlings, Magpies and on the odd occasion a vibrant Woodpecker have all stopped by on their way to somewhere else.

I wonder where?

To the left of the garden near the window, leans an old broken fence. Early one morning, last summer, I opened the blinds and caught sight of the most stunning and regal looking creature, resting momentarily on the leaning stand.

I believe it was a Sparrow Hawk and what an honour to be in his presence.

A moment of Grace.

Our eyes met for a second and then he was gone, his wings so powerful lifting him, high into the morning sky.

The grass is rich in colour having enjoyed the endless rainfall and the bush in the corner has bloomed with pink flowers.

The gift of nature surrounds us all.

I am going to miss this place.

Image result for change quote
http://www.google.com

 ©All Rights Reserved – The boy in the chip shop 2019-20

My Wall

I stare at this wall 
with crumbling stone
the hard texture stares back at me
I can not see a way through
it seems impossible

A crack appears
a tiny space of light and
if I pull each side
the stone may fall
or at least loosen
It seems a mammoth task
albeit the strength
I think I have
my arms are weak
my body is tired
my mind consumed
I close my eyes

and imagine
a mighty gust
a powerful force
rising up from the earth
and with one fair bash

the wall is loosened

if I dare to dream

the wall may fall

© Al Rights Reserved – The boy in the chip shop 2019

If I Could Be

If I could be
anything but me
I’d be a butterfly
and welcome
the nakedness
of my chrysalis


honoring
re-birth


I crave the gentleness
and serenity
of such an exquisite
creature
so beautifully
enchanting


delighting
my soul


The joyous dance
the fluttering
of life
gracefully

seeking the
silence

a butterfly
I'd be

   ©  All Rights Reserved – The boy in the chip shop 2019

Within The Stillness

there is a space in between
a quiet place
serene
so still
the stillness is laden with sorrow
and remembering 
what was
the sadness of
what could have been 
and the reality of
what is
who am I now
is a question that I ask
on this merry go round of
a fragmented life
love and
accountability
am I lost in the stillness
can the sorrow be released
am I bold enough to own my beauty 
and serve the sorrow 
with endearment

oh how my playing with words
can free this weary mind
for a while
and breathe life 
on to my plain paper

A tenacious Spirit
A reckoning
A joyous moment

 © All Rights Reserved – The boy in the chip shop 2019

A Beautiful Interruption

Born with the freedom to dream
your innocence was given

in natural gesture
and stolen by a devil’s hand


So damaged was that hand and oblivious
to the mighty force

that left trails
of significant wounds

An inner world so barren
a desolate place to be and
yet in that world no-one
could interrupt

and freedom could prevail
if only fleetingly

My brother and I.

 

©All Rights Reserved – The boy in the chip 2019

Keep living until you are alive

The force that stormed through the door was untamed.

He was a mad man.

The man I loved unconditionally and yet feared unlike any other human being alive, arrived with the big black case in hand.

Remember the case?

I froze – engulfed in terror, my mother a couple of feet behind me and to be specific, she stood in the right hand corner at the back of the front room.

I was her shield.

Like it was okay?

The dog was going crazy, barking in a frenzy of confusion running in all directions. He was my father’s dog and very much loved.

The mad man – hair messed, face contorted, eyes wide with RAGE started bellowing at my mother and the only thing I remember is;

“I’m going to kill you.”

and he hurled the big black hard sided case with such force, across the room at Her and as she threw herself out of the way, her screams of begging and pleading went un-noticed by any person outside.

It was a near miss.

Smashing against the wall.

The dreadful volume of noise – shouting – screaming – crying – barking – it was utter chaos.

I can still hear the hysterical cries from her and the fury filled shouting from him – I began pleading with him, begging him to stop, telling him I was scared, using his love for me to try and persuade him to calm down;

“If you love me Dad then please, please stop!”

I was in my very own nightmare and needed help. I couldn’t get him to stop and physically I didn’t have the strength to hold on for much longer. The situation escalated as he kicked the dog out the way and started to push me back and walk in her direction so I threw my arms around him, hugging him, telling him I loved him, sobbing; my feet slipping on the carpet as I pushed back as much as I could.

I tried I really tried hard; I pushed back

and prayed frantically, with speed, in my head to a God that I believed was there.

He was there, wasn’t he?

Then something changed – slowly, he began to calm down and as I held on to him for dear life, he demanded to know where his drugs were. My mother told him as he prized my arms from around him and walked out of the room.

I prayed every day as a child.

For my father –

What is this love
this powerful force
This energy of love
Can strip the volatile naked
to reveal a truth
not often seen
Rage can hide behind love
and fear behind the rage
Fear is the truth
that rage will not speak
Love is the gentle dance
to heal a broken heart

©All Rights Reserved – The boy in the chip shop 2019

Or else!

My daughter was invited last minute, to a sleepover last night.

Driving home after drop off, I could feel the anxiety slowly building inside. Just the thought of staying on my own in the house all night long was enough to set an old, out of date, pattern off – Full swing.

I pulled the blinds and shut the curtains in the whole house; the evening was still so bright.

I shut the doors to the bedrooms, dining room and kitchen leaving a space that felt enclosed and safe.

I live in a bungalow.

I turned the light’s on in the hallway, bathroom, kitchen, dining room, lounge and my bedroom.

They remained on all night.

Unable to open the windows for air, the heat from the summer evening was unbearable so I stripped off naked and stayed that way until 2.55 am having watched 6 parts of “Thirteen Reasons Why.”

Sleep was not an option until I could no longer keep my eyes open.

When I was a child I can remember going through a stage of being very frightened to go to sleep in the dark. My father was strict and there was a ‘no nonsense rule at bedtime “or else!” – after saying our prayers I would wrap myself up in my thick yellow eiderdown, leaving a tiny whole to breathe.

Then I would pray some more.

Dear Lord

please forgive me for the sins that I have committed
please keep
Mummy Daddy Paul and Ashley safe
don't let anything happen to them
please take this itching down below away
thank you

Amen


I had the most horrendous internal irritation when I was small. It seems like I endured it for a very long time. I tried with every effort to describe it to my Mother and the Doctor and being so little, neither seemed to understand it or me.

That prayer was recited for many years, well into adulthood. I literally could not; not say it, just incase!

My Mother worked at a local factory five nights a week for 10 years.

I was 3 years old when she started.

All Rights Reserved – The boy in the chip shop 2019

A Child Lost

Some years back a story broke in the national news headlines about a little girl that had gone missing. At first it was thought that she may have wandered off with friends when playing outside of her house on her bicycle but after some time it was clear that she had been abducted and murdered. Heartbreakingly, the child knew her abductor and it is believed that she may have gone willingly with him. So very sad…

I awoke early on the morning after the child had been found, heartbroken for the unknown family and mourning on mass with millions… I felt compelled to write a poem.

 In a second gone 
all alone place unknown
that moment in time tracks changed
moved on.
Unrest
despair
not here
nor there
no trace
no trail
the toil
recoil.
Exhausted
confusion
depleted emotions
shattered
withdrawal
immersion in sorrow.
Crowds praying
hearts pleading
a nation united
same nation weeping
searching, searching.
Precious child returns to her ‘Source’
arms embracing gentle dancing.
In a second gone now spirit reunited.
A mother weeps
her life
torn
a soul
reborn.

All Rights Reserved – The boy in the chip 2019

Authenticity…

What does it mean to live authentically? What does it really mean?

Recently I joined the world of Instagram after my eldest suggested several times that its the place to be if I want to progress with my online presence. I’ve sluggishly tried to begin re-branding myself; its not working and my posts don’t feel authentic yet what you see is what you get with me and there is no hidden agenda. I feel lacking in what I know I am capable of and if I was really being honest and authentic I would tell people that I struggle on a daily basis with pulling the failure card. I post motivational quotes and pictures on social media about taking action, changing your life, taking responsibility blah de blah de blah… its all bullshit (not the information, the walking my talk part) – whats that all about?

I was reminded that I was 50 today, whilst reading the profile of a young beautiful American life coach who has youth on her side. She oozes confidence, beauty and has an incredible Yogic body that delivered a baby 6 months ago and my self talk went off on a tangent about how stupid I have been over the years with the choices that I made with regards to my health, my career and life in general – the “if only’s” reared their ugly heads again, compiling an internal list of painful self beration.

I don’t think that I have ever been enough, for me.

My internal dialogue works overtime constantly and I often joke with my friend and confidant, that if only she could get inside my mind and hear the crazy self-talk that goes on and on… she laughs and says; “I couldn’t live your life, I’d end up having a mental breakdown.” I am authentic when I spend time with her and feel a deep connection between us as if we have ALWAYS known each other. If there is any truth in the idea of past lives then I believe that we met way before we entered into this life time. There have been many times over the years when I have dropped down into a place of immense pain, no holes barred, just me in my misery and she is the only person who actually understands my madness, really gets me and totally, undeniably accepts me and my authentic self. I am not sure that she will ever truly know or understand her own greatness and her significant place in this world as she too has her own internal battles that allow struggle to prevail at times and she holds herself back. What I know for sure is that she is the most ‘giving’ person that I know, never ever asking for anything in return, especially from me… it doesn’t always serve her as she forgets to give to herself too. I am eternally grateful for her love and acceptence of me just the way I am and want her to know that she brings such joy into my crazy life.

I love writing quotes…
Friendship ❤

All Rights Reserved – The boy in the chip 2019