20.10.1981

Today, grief washes over me like a vicious ocean.

I have been running from this sadness for so long now and have felt too paralysed to work on my writing this past week. Some days I just wander in my mind looking for a safe place to rest but seemingly, it’s proving more difficult

I have to keep writing through it.

On the anniversary of my fathers passing I desperately want to acknowledge him and give meaning to his life as no other person ever does.

Nobody… and I feel very sad about that.

Was he that insignificant? Did he really matter to anyone? Was his life that unimportant?

If you were to ask my brothers to tell you the date of their father’s death, they wouldn’t have a clue and my Mother always needs reminding.

The date goes unnoticed.

Most years I remember him in silence but this year I wrote a Facebook status which came completely out of the blue.

If there was a direct telephone line that could reach him now, I would choose to hear him speaking softly to me and listen carefully to the sound of his voice, savouring every moment. I would ask him how his day has been and tell him about mine. I would spend the time laughing with him and sharing the simple things I know he’d love to hear… and I’d love him just that little bit more.

We must never underestimate the power of un-resolved grief. Its a burden to carry for sure and one that is so heavy for me to this very day.

Even though I was very afraid of my father, my love for him is evident.

Our healing is unfolding

©All Rights Reserved – The boy in the chip shop 2019

Within The Stillness

There is a space in between
a quiet place
serene
so still.
The stillness is laden with sorrow
and remembering
what was,
the sadness of
what could have been
and the reality of
what is.
Who am I now?
is a question that I ask
on this merry go round of
a fragmented life,
love and
accountability.
Am I lost in the stillness?
Can the sorrow be released?
Am I bold enough to own my beauty
and serve the sorrow with endearment?

Oh how my playing with words
can free this weary mind
for a while
and breathe life
on to my plain paper.

A tenacious Spirit
A reckoning
A joyous moment.

 © All Rights Reserved – The boy in the chip shop 2019